Lost
by Aarg
Summary: TV version. Chuck has just lost his best friend for a girl, and now the girl's gone as well. He's contemplating everything that's happened while sitting at the bar, right after Blair leaves.
1. Chapter 1

So, here's a little something after watching the last episode. I wasn't too happy with Nate, but he's just so beautiful that I have to make excuses. And Jenny wasn't quite so innocent as she used to be either but I guess it was kind of Blair's fault for being so mean to her.

Anyway, after saying all those mean things to Blair, I decided to have Chuck's narrate on why he said it and how he's feeling. Hopefully, you'll enjoy.

* * *

Chuck took another sip of his drink as he turned his head to watch Blair walk out the door. It was too late - she was already gone. "I don't want you anymore." He had said. "And I can't see why anyone else would." 

But that was a downright lie. He was still in love with her, perhaps even more than he had at the beginning, he couldn't deny it to himself. She may have only come as a last resort but he still would have taken her back. He wanted more than anything to take her back.

But he also understood her, as he understood Nate and he knew that Nate would return for her, and that she would gratefully take him back. And he knew she would regret doing anything with _Chuck Bass _as soon as things started working out with _Nate_ again. He had known this the last time too, when she and his best friend had just broken up for less than 20 minutes, but had proceeded anyway. And where had that led? A position no better than Blair's own. He had ditched his best friend for the girl, and now, he had neither. He had nothing now except for a pocketful of cash and as much alcohol as he could possibly consume in one night.

Her coming wasn't a complete surprise. Chuck had expected her to come crawling back after being rejected by Nate and everyone else on the Upper East Side. Once more, she needed him. But this time, he had refused. He couldn't do it again - not to Nate, and not to himself.

Nate had been his best friend since childhood, and he had let a girl come between them. Everything had changed in a whirlwind. Blair had come to him that night asking for some way to escape; he had given it to her, knowing full well to what it might lead. That had been a fatal mistake.

But he hadn't refused today without regret or course. She wasn't anything like those other girls he had played in the past. She was different, and so much superior. And his feelings around her were different-it was impossible to explain. He'd never in his life felt it before. He remembered what he had told her on the night before her birthday. Butterflies in his stomach. Yes, they were still there, more restless than ever. He agreed with Blair. Butterflies have just got to be murdered. This was the first time Chuck had ever pushed away anything that he'd wanted because it was the right thing to do. And it was as hard as he had imagined. Chuck promised himself that this would also be the last time he would go through such an experience.

But there was also another feeling weighing him down. This emotion was even more foreign than love. It was guilt. Guilt for double crossing Nate, and guilt for saying what he did to Blair.

Nate had trusted him for so long, and Chuck just threw that trust away. Nate had always come to him for help, with the belief of his friend's utmost sincerity, and now, Chuck had betrayed that trust. He had betrayed that trust ever since he first fell in love with his girlfriend. But it was more than just the first (and second) time he screwed with Blair. Even afterwards, he had done everything within his power to drive them apart. The Debutante Ball was a start. Telling Nate all those lies did not take any toll on Chuck. Nor did ordering Blair to stay away from Nate ever since they got back together, with the threat of telling him what had happened between the best friend and the girlfriend. But now that he had lost both, he was starting to feel guilt.

And he felt bad for what he had just told Blair. "Rode hard and put away wet." He had said, and Blair, the only girl he had ever loved, left nearly in tears. But he still loved her, and now, was just beginning to hate himself.

Perhaps Nate would forgive him with time, perhaps not. But if he made the same mistake again and spent the night with Blair, any chance of reconciliation would be gone forever. Chuck valued Nate's friendship more than anything else he had - what else did he have? And he would try to repress his feelings for a girl who may never truly love him back for the best friend, or rather, former best friend.

But Chuck knew in his heart that he would be so much better for her than Nate, and she for him. Chuck could understand her in a way Nate never would. He and Blair were alike in so many ways. He knew what she wanted, and so did he. They were both decisive and ruthless, the top of the social ladder, taking clever bites out of anyone who got uppity. Or at least, they had been. They were nothing now.

Chuck took another drink out of his wine glass. But the alcohol wasn't taking effect like it should have been. Blair's stricken face as he said he no longer wanted her was clearly etched in his mind. And Nate's furious expression was right behind her, telling him to just stay away. What was to come next?

* * *

So, here's my version of Chuck's feelings. Please review to tell me what you think. 


	2. Chapter 2

I decided to continue this story seeing as we won't be getting any episodes for a long while. And because I love Nate more than any other character I've seen and I need to find an excuse for his double standard with Blair. My excuse will be that he was angry, and he needed time to calm down before remembering what he did just the summer before.

* * *

"What were you thinking breaking up with Blair?" Serena asked Nate as she stormed in the room, her arms folded and her eyes boring into him accusingly. She wanted an explanation immediately for his break-up with Blair last night.

"You two weren't even together when she was with Chuck! Do you have any idea how she felt when you didn't show up for her birthday? Given it wasn't the wisest thing she could have done but people make mistakes! It wasn't so long ago when you - we made the same one, only a billion times worse! If she can forgive us, why can't you do the same for her?" Serena didn't feel completely comfortable talking about what had gone on last summer, but this was no time to be uncomfortable. She hated being so self-righteous like this but she just couldn't help it. Nate needed to get over himself.

Nate didn't answer at once but averted her gaze, shifting his eyes on anything - the coffee table, the curtains, the TV - but not Serena. This was probably a good thing because Serena still felt a rush in her heartbeat whenever Nate glanced at her, despite her love for Dan and her knowledge that this was wrong. "I don't know. I can't believe she kept this from me. I felt so bad for what I'd done and all this time, she's been screwing around with Chuck. Are they together right now?" Nate had started off mumbling, as though he'd been rethinking the whole breakup, but the finale was in a rather more violent tone.

"No! She's so in love with you and you keep on ditching her! You tried to use her for your dad's business deal, you don't follow through, she's hurt and goes to Chuck because _you_ aren't there, and you can't even forgive her just this once?" Serena spoke heatedly.

"It was with _Chuck_!" Nate almost shouted.

"And I was her best friend."

"Hey-do you have any idea how it felt to have _Jenny_ tell me? At least I thought I owed it to her to tell the truth." Nate replied defensively, starting to warm up.

"Yeah, and we all know how well that went." Serena said cuttingly, rolling her eyes.

"Oh so I should have just kept it from her and we could live in this fantasy world? Like she did to me until Gossip Girl texts everyone and Jenny told me what really happened? Blair had just promised we could start over, clean slate, we could be honest with each other and then I find out she's been keeping all this from me!" It sounded like Nate had been keeping tabs on the grieviances she had done him within the last 24 hours. But something in his eyes told Serena that he really had been reconsidering what he'd said to Blair.

Still, Serena was starting to lose ground here. Blair had kept her in the dark as well concerning Nate and Chuck and her secrecy had hurt Serena as well. "She didn't want to create all this unnecessary drama."

"Well I'd say this stuff is rather important in a relationship! At least I'd like to know!"

Serena sighed, closing her eyes for a moment before snapping them open. "Look, you did the same thing to her and she forgave you. All I ask is that you give her another chance. No, you owe her another chance. You have no idea what you did to her after what you pulled on her birthday. You two were broken up by then! Why are you blaming her for taking comfort in someone else?" It wasn't as though Serena believed that what Blair did with Chuck was right. But she was the last to judge after what happened last summer and Nate needed to remember and accept his past mistakes as well.

Nate Archibald's only reply was stare out the window.

"You know what?" Serena finally said, shaking her head. "I give up. Don't know why I even bothered. I'll just leave you here to dwell on all the horrible ways Blair has ever wronged you and the faithful, loving boyfriend you always were to her." She took another breath and whispered, not intending for him to hear, "I don't know what I ever saw in you."

Nate's eyes met her's and there seemed to be a spark between them. But Serena snapped back into reality so quickly that it seemed as if they both imagined it. "I gotta go." She said grabbing her purse.

She had almost walked to the door when Nate finally spoke. "Serena, do you think Blair will forgive me?"

* * *

Personally, I prefer Blair/Chuck (don't like either of them) and Serena/Nate (perfect couple). But Nate needs own up to what he did with Blair before anything can be done with Serena. Anyway, please review. 


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